Being a missionary is making me a better writer, I think. I'm learning that it's 100% not possible to just say "hey, that was cool" or "yeah, this week was good" because I'm pretty sure a) every day I experience a week's worth of growth, b) every day I experience the full range of human emotion AND because every day is another day to represent our Savior--the only perfect human that has ever lived and the greatest and only lasting hope any of us have. So, yeah. Not sure how I could ever say "life is okay" and leave it at that. Heh heh. However, time is also non-existent so that's rough. But this week I learned a lot about a lot! For example:
- there is no such thing as a perfect time to do anything. One day this week I was super frustrated because I felt like I couldn't contribute anything becaaause we had visits and lessons and I was mostly quiet because a) the conversation between these two vats full of Russian words and experiences was out of the range of my baby vocabulary and b) because there wasn't ever a perfect break for me to say something, even when I wanted to. I was super frustrated and even thought that maybe it was my companion's fault for not allowing me space to say something. But while I was talking with her about it, she reminded me that there's no such thing as a picture perfect lesson where the breaks are perfectly planned because we are conversing with actual, living people. Howeeeever, she also told me that if the Spirit tells you to say something, SAY it. don't wait! He's telling to do to something and because of that, it will always be on topic. I think the same thing is true with life. If we're trying to live in tune with what the Lord wants and always seek to share and do things with love, it doesn't matter if it's perfectly packaged or not--the message will be powerful and always on topic because it is His message. We're flawed people but that's okay. He makes of us more than we could ever be when we turn it over to Him. That I know. The experiences I had after that were pretty awesome because I tried not to worry about things too much but just to run with what I can do, and especially to listen to what He wants out of me and to do THAT. Awkward or strange or whatever as it may be, His ways are better than mine and work out just fine. Always always always. We just need to try our best, listen and act. Life is easy. (haaaaaaaahahahahhahashrjkasrs )
- GENERAL CONFERENCE. Oh my goodness. I have never been so attentive and so grateful for conference in my LIFE. I had so many questions and hung on every word and it was amazing. Seriously such a strong conference. Loved the emphasis on families (and felt SO grateful for mine) and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I especially loved Elder Nielson's talk.
If we really love people, we'll respect their agency, even if it pains us. But we can ALWAYS love them. We can always believe that there is space in their heart for them to come back and let them know, but especially see and feel that we are always ready to welcome them back with open arms. I just felt the Savior so much in that talk. His love is so much more than I understand. He doesn't even feel angry when we're disobedient or choose to live far from us. Just sad, because there's never a point when He stops loving us. Oh man. But how beautiful that there is always a path for us to return. Also, the more I learn about the Atonement, the more I am just floored. It's not just for the big sins or for people who are just joining the church or for those of us who have been outwardly far from Him. It is for ALL of us. It's not just for our sins, it's for our weaknesses and our discouragements and our pains and our every day lives. It is so perfectly encompassing, and so so so real. Like President Uchtdorf said, "salvation is not bought through the coin of obedience, but through the blood of Jesus Christ."
even after our best efforts we are not enough, but that was never why He wanted us to give our best efforts. He just wants to know that we love Him. That's almost nothing, but every single day, coupled with the Savior's grace, it is enough. Mosiah 15:8-9.
8 And thus God breaketh the abands of death, having gained the bvictory over death; giving the Son power to make cintercession for the children of men—
9 Having ascended into heaven, having the bowels of mercy; being filled with compassion towards the children of men; standing betwixt them and justice; having broken the bands of death, taken upon ahimself their iniquity and their transgressions, having redeemed them, and bsatisfiedthe demands of justice.
How much He loves us, and how meaningful His love is. And I'm rambling and that's lame and I'm sorry but seriously, it was such a good conference and I learned so much. Time to apply is always a little less pretty because knowledge is hard in practice, but in this gospel we're all beginners all the time. how sweet it is!- also, been thinking about this quote a lot lately. To any and all those revolutionaries trying to live by standards or dreams higher than their own, even when it's unpopular and not understandable--hat's off to you. Carry on. Keep making that dent in the universe.
“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.”
C.S. Lewis
- this morning, I was super super super frustrated. Especially after yesterday, I understood how I can give more to the work and was torn between feeling super stoked on life and wanting to pull my hair out. I WANT TO BE PERFECT RIGHT NOW. I feel like in general, i'm not afraid of having to do work or the fact that I have a lot to learn (I'd like to say these things, anyway) and that's cool, but I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS struggle with the fact that I'm not perfect RIGHT NOW. But today I talked with Cectra E. about it and it was actually the coolest thing ever. how lame and unmeaningful would life be if we were just perfect right now?! What would be the point? It is a journey--and one that's MEANT to be lived and enjoyed and worked through. It's easier to say than to live, but it's important to remember. so she wrote me a sign that said this:
"today I'm better than yesterday!
Perfection is a process!
Today is the best day of life!
you is kind, you is smart, you is important."
and man. I was seriously so dang happy. she then shared what's probably my favorite quote of all of life:
"to be happy is the goal, but it is also the path." :)
Sooo that's the challenge. Every day, choose to work hard and to look on the Savior and to work with Him and to strive to overcome and all the things. But also, every day choose to find joy in the journey too. I wholeheartedly believe that is just as important to Him as our process of refinement. How great is the plan of our God!
there was something else semi-important too but I don't remember so i'll just leave you with the this precious gem:
"moo! you know, like the animal, beef"
- C. E trying to talk about cows. hahahahah I love her so much
okay okay life is great. and hard and wonderful and straining and man. to live really is the greatest adventure. I hope all y'all are enjoying it as much as I am. to living!
all the love in this tiny world,
C. Hansen
p.s. i have permission to preach!
p.s. i have permission to preach!
Sis. Hansen, when she went to Kyrgyzstan (Photo courtesy of KSC, thank you!)
Yay!!! Thanks for sharing, keep up the great work :)
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