thus rejoicing, free from sorrow

Happy Monday, dear loved ones :) 

Christmastime is always a pensive one for me.  The opportunity to be on a mission is such a beautiful one.  There's so much to do and so many ways to do it every day. It's overwhelming and soul-stretching and life changing.  We walk frozen streets, seek to love strangers, testify to brothers and sisters, strive to rely on the spirit and hope to always remember the Lord that loves us and all His children so much.  There is a lot to do and be and become and change and it really is a rollercoaster of a life.  There are ups and downs and I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and sometimes, I feel like it's just going by too quickly.  But some days, when I take the time to remember what we're here doing and what it's all about, I just feel...something different.  Something a little more.  And that's what I'm feeling today. 

This week was a really lovely one.  We did a lot of contacting and met some amazing people.  We learned what it's like to experience -24 cel (-11 degrees Fahrenheit) weather and have people tell you it's still warm.  We said a hard goodbye to Sister Johnson.  

Sis. Hansen, Sis. Johnson and Sis. Slight

We met with a monster of a man with a heart just as massive as his beard who doesn't know yet that faith can have impact in his life, but saw so clearly the impact that faith has had on ours.  We went to a nursing home for elderly people and people with invalids and felt such distinct love.  We saw miracles--like I, the man who we met in a 5 minute interaction at the end of an inexplicable 1.5-hour wait at the post office who, the next day, came with his whole precious little family to hear more about the church and what we believe in and are just BEAUTIFUL people who want to know more, or the flower shop woman who was in a hijab but somehow was SO moved by the spirit in the little time we chatted with her, she hugged us and told us she loved us and that she respected what we were doing and that we need to see her more often and that we have known each other for longer than this (when we didn't even talk about the church at all except for the fact that we're Christian missionaries).  We got to serve others and learn how to love each other and be happy and to work together and it has been so so so good.  But out of a week's worth of miracles, the tenderest mercy was yesterday.

The Morrisons--our senior couple that are just so genuine and full of love and the ability to really SEE people and help people feel noticed and loved and enabled--spoke during sacrament meeting yesterday and talked about the reason for the season.  They talked about their families and traditions and service and love and the bright miracles and shows of love we see at this time of year.  But most importantly, they talked about Christ.

The One who makes it all possible.  

The One who paid the price and lived the life for all of us.  The One who took upon Himself the title of Man of Sorrow in order to extend comfort and hope and joy to us.  They just reminded me that it is all about Christ.  And I just sat there in the back sobbing my eyes out, because in a world and in a life when I feel like there is so much to do and be and work harder at and give, that is really the most important thing to stop and remember.  That He lives!  

That He is the reason for the season!  

That He paid the price and completed the Atonement! 

For you and for these Kazakh people and for the imperfect Sister Hansen.  That just gives life such a new meaning.  Doing service and loving others and seeking to be better is something we need and should strive toward.  But in thinking about it last night, I realized that even making deep and real sacrifices is only noble at best without Christ to give it meaning.  And how I hope to remember Him always. 

And so, I offer you this simple phrase...from Elder Christofferson in this month's Ensign :) 

"I think that is a lovely metaphor—just sit with the Lord and let Him warm you like a fire in winter. You don’t have to be perfect or the greatest person who ever graced the earth or the best of anything to be with Him.

"I hope you will take time this Christmas season to sit for a few quiet moments and let the Savior’s Spirit warm you and reassure you of the worthiness of your service, of your offering, of your life. Sit quietly with that little baby and come away spiritually strengthened and better prepared for all that is going to come later. Let that moment be one of rest and refreshing and reassurance and renewal."

I hope and pray that in this beautiful time of year where we remember Him, you and I will take the time to really feel it.  To really appreciate it.  To reevaluate and start again with Him.  To love and serve others and to share this love and light we have been so privileged to experience.  In the words of a song I came to love on the mission...

"Where shepherds lately knelt and kept the angel’s word,
I come in half-belief, a pilgrim strangely stirred;
But there is room and welcome there for me,
But there is room and welcome there for me.

Can I, will I forget how Love was born, and burned
Its way into my heart—unasked, unforced, unearned,
To die, to live, and not alone for me,
To die, to live, and not alone for me?"

Glad tidings, indeed :) I love you all heaps and heaps and wish you the happiest Christmas.  Pray for you always.  Talk to you soon :) 

aalllll the love,

sister hansen

there'll be JOY JOY JOY JOY JOY

GOOD AFTERNOON FROM ASTANA HOLLA HOLLA

first, a few stats from this week...

haircuts gotten on the mission to make my hair as short as it was in probably january of this year: 1

times i have gotten my palm read by a random woman during sacrament meeting: 1

times "christmas without you" by one republic came on and i didn't cry: 1

times we have subbed for an english teacher in a university: 1

times we heard someone play "mary did you know" at the pulpit: 1

times i sang "the Christmas song" for a uni english class: 2

times i laughed at my companions' (read: sister johnson's bc sister slight is an ICE WALKING MASTER) falls on the crazy ice that's everywhere: 12

times Heavenly Father repaid my laughter by letting me fall on the ice: 3

times i shouted "нет"(no) while falling: 2

times i've seen a comp off all the way to the airport and felt that bittersweetness: 1

times hearing primary kids sing Christmas songs made me cry: 1.6

GOD IS GOOD!

for. real. i don't even know where to start.  this week was just so lovely and getting on today and reading all your messages of love and faith and happiness and warmth just made me cry happy tears.  from Dad and Mark and Tay seeing Elder Holland 

They met in the airport in Atlanta, Georgia :)

to Mark's team killing it 

Mark's La Roca Team competed in National Premier League over the weekend in North Carolina. They are currently in first place!

to reminders of my dear friends to Tay graduating to Tia figuring out her soccer thing with Heavenly Father to Sister Carter's encouragement to Sister Waldie's message to Kaitlin's card to every little reminder of the love of our Heavenly Father, I am just so touched by the fact that He cares enough about each of us individually to orchestrate little moments in our lives.  He's the Creator of the Universe and is All Powerful and is in no way obligated to care about us, but every day there are tiny evidences of His personal concern for our daily lives.  Whether it's seeing an apostle in an airport or feeling sunshine for the first time in a while or just a stranger smiling at you, the Lord really loves us and makes it a point to let us know.  And it's beautiful. :)

This week was a really good one.  We spent all the time we could meeting with less actives here (there are like 12 local members that are still on the radar and most of them are less active to inactive) and it was special.  These people are honestly just so warm and goodhearted and even though it's really hard for them to be members here and there are times that they struggle, I know the Lord has such big plans for them and a tremendous love for them.  They really are the House of Israel and I know He just wants them to know their potential and live up to that!  Which, you know, is really His wish for all of us, but getting to extend that love to these pioneers is really special.  Learning a lot about the patience with which the Lord tends to us.  He cares a lot more about our direction than our speed, and getting to feel that to others is also humbling.  Plus, this week really built my testimony that the church here WILL grow!  That someday, there will be branches and wards and native missionaries serving in their own country.  Families will gather in these buildings and the Lord's work will go forth here.  And what a pleasure it is to see it in the very beginning :) 

Besides that, we spent a good amount of time contacting this week (but not as much time as we will spend this week...holla at that "we had two companions that had served here for 8 months leaving the mission two weeks in a row and everyone wanted to meet with them in their last respective weeks and now we just get to do work without the extreme demand woohoo" life!!  hahah but really), and it was GREAT!!  N--a 21-year-old less active here who is actually the coolest ever--nailed it while talking about his "mini mission" in Russia.  He said something about how missionary work is hard and sometimes doesn't seem very fun and that we don't always see the results of it, but that there are those moments when you think a little deeper and just feel really happy because you know you're doing the Lord's work and that you're where He wants you. That's something I studied quite a bit last week...just the idea that while the Lord does have high expectations of His servants and His people, He also lets them feel capable and loved and forgiven and worthy.  He wants us to feel that!  He wouldn't have allowed His Only Begotten Son to suffer and live such a hard life if He didn't think we were worth it.  And that kind of love isn't really comprehensible, but it is brilliant. 

One time I really felt that love this week was while we were with the Christensens.  They're an American family here with the embassy and I seriously love them.  They have 4 kids and it was so refreshing to talk to kids again.  I love that kids are always so happy and good and witty and bright.  Plus, we had American box mix brownies and the Christensens got me to LOVE LOVE again because they told us their story and I ALMOST DIED.  MAGIC, I TELL YOU.  Love is just magic.  Everything was already happy but then President Christensen got asked what his most effective contacting line was while he served in Samara.  For the next hour, we got to listen to his insights and to the profound lessons he learned on his mission and it was so needed.  He understood the fact that sometimes people don't listen and that sometimes, even though you're giving all you think you can give, we don't really see the results.  You love people and you work and you want to see success for the Lord and for these people and it still seems to go nowhere.  It was cool that he understood that.  But even more, he then talked about those quiet moments the Lord so graciously gives us where He just confirms that we are in the right place doing the right thing and following His will.  When we are fully committed to Him, He does give us those moments of affirmation--whether it's feeling the spirit testify through you or loving someone so much you know it's not just your love or even just a feeling--that keep us moving along.  And then at the end of the mission, you just realize what a miracle you've been a part of and how special the love the Lord grants to missionaries is and your heart is full and it's all worth it.  It's hard, but it's good.  So keep giving it.  And I LOVED that.  D&C 123:17

"17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us ^acheerfully^bdo all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the ^csalvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."

is real and I know that as long as we really do seek to give it--without excuses or hesitation or laziness or holding back--He multiplies it all.  The blessings, the efforts, the impact we can have.  And it is good.

Lastly, this week I learned an UNREAL AMOUNT about relying on the Lord.  Right now I'm with Sister Johnson and Sister Slight and they are both great missionaries and I'm really enjoying it, but Sister Johnson is leaving on Wednesday and I will be the trainer.  There were just so many occasions when I realized how much in the branch and for Sister Slight and for the work here in general is going to depend on my use of my personal agency after that and I felt so overwhelmed.  I don't always make the choices I should and how can the Lord trust me with this responsibility I'm so ill-equipped to handle and all these doubts just came to the surface, right?  Especially yesterday, I just felt SO SAD AND TOO SMALL FOR THIS.  And then I prayed.  And I turned to the Book of Mormon, because the Book of Mormon is really just a big story about a lot of people who themselves couldn't do what the Lord asked of them and then relied on Him and did it through His power.  And I read Ether 3.

Chapter 3

The brother of Jared sees the finger of the Lord as He touches sixteen stones—Christ shows His spirit body to the brother of Jared—Those who have a perfect knowledge cannot be kept from within the veil—Interpreters are provided to bring the Jaredite record to light.

"1 And it came to pass that the brother of Jared, (now the number of the vessels which had been prepared was eight) went forth unto the ^amount, which they called the mount^bShelem, because of its exceeding height, and did ^cmoltenout of a rock sixteen small stones; and they were white and clear, even as transparent ^dglass; and he did carry them in his hands upon the top of the mount, and cried again unto the Lord, saying:

 2 O Lord, thou hast said that we must be encompassed about by the floods. Now behold, O Lord, and do not be^aangry with thy servant because of his weakness before thee; for we know that thou art holy and dwellest in the heavens, and that we are ^bunworthy before thee; because of the ^cfall our ^dnatures have become evil continually; nevertheless, O Lord, thou hast given us a commandment that we must call upon thee, that from thee we may receive according to our desires.

 3 Behold, O Lord, thou hast smitten us because of our iniquity, and hast driven us forth, and for these many years we have been in the wilderness; nevertheless, thou hast been ^amerciful unto us. O Lord, look upon me in pity, and turn away thine anger from this thy people, and suffer not that they shall go forth across this raging deep in darkness; but behold these ^bthings which I have molten out of the rock.

 4 And I know, O Lord, that thou hast all ^apower, and can do whatsoever thou wilt for the benefit of man; therefore touch these stones, O Lord, with thy ^bfinger, and prepare them that they may shine forth in darkness; and they shall shine forth unto us in the vessels which we have prepared, that we may have ^clight while we shall cross the sea.

 5 Behold, O Lord, thou canst do this. We know that thou art able to show forth great power, which ^alooks small unto the understanding of men.

 6 And it came to pass that when the brother of Jared had said these words, behold, the ^aLord stretched forth his hand and touched the stones one by one with his ^bfinger. And the ^cveil was taken from off the eyes of the brother of Jared, and he saw the finger of the Lord; and it was as the finger of a man, like unto flesh and blood; and the brother of Jared ^dfell down before the Lord, for he was struck with^efear.

 7 And the Lord saw that the brother of Jared had fallen to the earth; and the Lord said unto him: Arise, why hast thou fallen?

 8 And he saith unto the Lord: I saw the finger of the Lord, and I feared lest he should ^asmite me; for I knew not that the Lord had flesh and blood.

 9 And the Lord said unto him: Because of thy faith thou hast seen that I shall take upon me ^aflesh and blood; and never has man come before me with ^bsuch exceeding faith as thou hast; for were it not so ye could not have seen my finger. Sawest thou more than this?

 10 And he answered: Nay; Lord, ^ashow thyself unto me.

 11 And the Lord said unto him: ^aBelievest thou the words which I shall speak?

 12 And he answered: Yea, Lord, I know that thou speakest the truth, for thou art a God of truth, and ^acanstnot lie.

 13 And when he had said these words, behold, the Lord^ashowed himself unto him, and said: ^bBecause thou knowest these things ye are redeemed from the fall; therefore ye are brought back into my ^cpresence; therefore I ^dshow myself unto you.

 14 Behold, I am he who was ^aprepared from the foundation of the world to ^bredeem my people. Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the ^cFather and the Son. In me shall all mankind have ^dlife, and that eternally, even they who shall believe on my name; and they shall become my ^esonsand my daughters.

 15 And never have I ^ashowed myself unto man whom I have created, for never has man ^bbelieved in me as thou hast. Seest thou that ye are created after mine own ^cimage? Yea, even all men were created in the beginning after mine own image.

 16 Behold, this ^abody, which ye now ^bbehold, is the ^cbodyof my ^dspirit; and man have I created after the body of my spirit; and even as I appear unto thee to be in the spirit will I appear unto my people in the flesh.

 17 And now, as I, Moroni, said I could ^anot make a full account of these things which are written, therefore it sufficeth me to say that Jesus showed himself unto this man in the spirit, even after the manner and in the likeness of the same body even as he ^bshowed himself unto the Nephites.

 18 And he ministered unto him even as he ministered unto the Nephites; and all this, that this man might know that he was God, because of the many great works which the Lord had showed unto him.

 19 And because of the ^aknowledge of this man he could not be kept from beholding within the ^bveil; and he saw the finger of Jesus, which, when he saw, he fell with fear; for he knew that it was the finger of the Lord; and he had^cfaith no longer, for he knew, nothing ^ddoubting.

 20 Wherefore, having this perfect knowledge of God, he could ^anot be kept from within the veil; therefore he ^bsawJesus; and he did minister unto him.

 21 And it came to pass that the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: Behold, thou shalt not suffer these things which ye have seen and heard to go forth unto the world, until the ^atime cometh that I shall glorify my name in the flesh; wherefore, ye shall ^btreasure up the things which ye have seen and heard, and show it to no man.

 22 And behold, when ye shall come unto me, ye shall write them and shall seal them up, that no one can interpret them; for ye shall write them in a ^alanguage that they cannot be read.

 23 And behold, these ^atwo stones will I give unto thee, and ye shall seal them up also with the things which ye shall write.

 24 For behold, the ^alanguage which ye shall write I have confounded; wherefore I will cause in my own due time that these stones shall magnify to the eyes of men these things which ye shall write.

 25 And when the Lord had said these words, he ^ashowedunto the brother of Jared ^ball the inhabitants of the earth which had been, and also all that would be; and he^cwithheld them not from his sight, even unto the ends of the earth.

 26 For he had said unto him in times before, that ^aif he would ^bbelieve in him that he could show unto him ^callthings—it should be shown unto him; therefore the Lord could not withhold anything from him, for he knew that the Lord could show him all things.

 27 And the Lord said unto him: Write these things and^aseal them up; and I will show them in mine own due time unto the children of men.

 28 And it came to pass that the Lord commanded him that he should seal up the two ^astones which he had received, and show them not, until the Lord should show them unto the children of ^bmen."

And I laughed and I cried, because that's exactly how I feel.  Like all I have to give Him is just too much, and even though He asked for a solution this was all I could come up with and it won't suffice--unless He is touching it and I do it through Him.  And that's really how it is!  It's all about faith and about intentions (studied about those today.  SO GOOD.  2 Nephi 25:23-29

"23 For we labor diligently to write, to ^apersuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by ^bgrace that we are saved, after all we can ^cdo.

 24 And, notwithstanding we believe in Christ, we ^akeepthe law of Moses, and look forward with steadfastness unto Christ, until the law shall be fulfilled.

 25 For, for this end was the ^alaw given; wherefore the law hath become ^bdead unto us, and we are made alive in Christ because of our faith; yet we keep the law because of the commandments.

 26 And we ^atalk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we ^bprophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our ^cchildren may know to what source they may look for a ^dremission of their sins.

 27 Wherefore, we speak concerning the law that our children may know the deadness of the law; and they, by knowing the deadness of the law, may look forward unto that life which is in Christ, and know for what end the law was given. And after the law is fulfilled in Christ, that they need not harden their hearts against him when the law ought to be done away.

 28 And now behold, my people, ye are a ^astiffneckedpeople; wherefore, I have spoken plainly unto you, that ye cannot misunderstand. And the words which I have spoken shall stand as a ^btestimony against you; for they are sufficient to ^cteach any man the ^dright way; for the right way is to believe in Christ and deny him not; for by denying him ye also deny the prophets and the law.

 29 And now behold, I say unto you that the right way is to believe in Christ, and deny him not; and Christ is the Holy One of Israel; wherefore ye must bow down before him, and ^aworship him with all your ^bmight, mind, and strength, and your whole soul; and if ye do this ye shall in nowise be cast out."

reminded me about why we're out here and why we work so hard to become better.  Not just for ourselves!  But for the Lord and for the children He has that He loves so much!) and doing it for other people.  And it's humbling.  And it's hard and lots of times my ego still dukes it out for first priority.  But YOUR EGO AIN'T YOUR AMIGO.  ya heard?!  and it's a good life.

ANYWAY, love you forever.  Keep smiling.  Prayers for you always.  And I hope you are enjoying this lovely holiday season!!  Stay warm, love others, be the good in someone's life today and seek the Lord's hand.  I know He really hears our prayers and that He answers them when we listen and give Him the chance to speak.  It's a beautiful thing.  The church is true!  And God is good.  Hurrah for Israel :)

ALL THE LOVE,

Sister Hansen