hi loved ones!!
and we're back to "excerpts of my letter to president plus occasional embellishments"...i hope you enjoyed the break but didn't get used to it :')
what a happy happy week!! we are working hard and seeing miracles every day and being a missionary is super joyous.
Sis. Symons shopping on P-Day
on saturday i texted e and told her that we had been friends for a year and just that i was grateful that the Lord had let us meet and stuff and it was really tender. that night she texted back and said really tender things in return, which was so cute and unexpected because she's not a really emotional person...and then i started crying because i just love her soo much and it kills me that she doesn't want the gospel right now. and i'm not even worried because i know with all my heart that she has felt it and WILL accept it but i'm just really sad and selfish that it's not right now. but that's okay. i love her and the Lord does too and all will work out in His timing. then on sunday this woman told me about how leaving missions are the worst thing ever and i cried for probably 15 minutes. i think leaving this place might break my heart. but it's okay because the Lord's plan is not one to be lived in the past! good things are always on the horizon and the important thing is how we choose to live today. so i'm just doing my best to live today and every today on the mission and throughout my life the way the Lord would want me to for His children as a disciple of Christ. and it is just suuuuch a happy way to live. so grateful for all the good things in my life :)
also special shoutout to planning holla holla. that changed this whooole week and all our time here. Up until this point, Sister Symons and I had been struggling a little bit in understanding what to focus on...between contacting, the Area Book, less-active members and working with all the potential investigators we'd already found, we felt scattered and like we were constantly coming up short. But this week, during our weekly planning session, we really decided to sit down and figure out what we want to do and see here and what steps we can take to make it happen.
And just like that, things have been so much better! We know what we want to do every day and our studies and actions are determined by the goals and overall vision we have for our time together. We feel like we have direction in the things we do and it's getting easier to make those choices between good, better and best. Planning is something I've struggled with a lot of my life but actually, IT'S SUCH A BLESSING!! Who would have thought? I really see how when we take the time to planning effective, revelatory time, the week itself is more smooth and more revelatory because it's more focused on our purpose. And with everyone and their MOM trying to remind me that one of these days, there's a plane taking me back to America, focusing on our purpose in such an effective and powerful way is something I need right now you feel me.
We saw lots of wonderful things happen this week. We've started reteaching a less-active sister, Sister N, and she came to church for the first time in probably three years--WITH A FRIEND!! It was so happy to see. We started working with a lot of the solid contacts we've made lately, and even though not all of them are ready, Sister Symons and I are learning a lot about how to meet people where they are, share what we know and love with sweet boldness, and teach in unity with power, authority and the Spirit. We just have found ourselves happier, and even though some days are still stressful,
our companionship is strong and we're able to keep each other sane and in line. It's a really happy time on my mission.
last night we met with a man that we contacted last week. he's a 35 year old physics professor who's single and seems kind of sad and in the beginning of the contact we had a suuuper interesting conversation about God. he doesn't believe in God but rather a "higher mind". as we asked questions and exchanged thoughts and he started to think in a different way, he got really defensive and then started telling me that i was dumb and closeminded and didn't know very much. HELLO FIERY TEMPER THAT IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. we ended the conversation but he asked if we could exchange numbers and talk some more. -_- we took his number because Christ wouldn't have turned him away and then invited him to church on saturday. he said he couldn't come but would like to meet. we set up a meeting and invited the elders just in case and he came...and we taught the first two points of the plan of salvation...and by the end things had exploded again. but the COOLEST thing was what Sister Symons
had reminded me about as we'd planned that morning--that whether or not he's ready to accept the gospel right now, this will be his first interaction with missionaries from our church which we claim to be the church of Christ. that means that he should come away feeling the spirit and the love of Christ above all things. during the lesson, things got pretty heated but we made it clear that we wouldn't fight. Elder Teuscher ended up just saying "okay that's enough, thank you for using your agency, we're going to stop now" and he was about to leave--and then the spirit helped me testify to him that God loves him, that we're here not to force people into anything or to tell them that they're wrong but to share the things that have shaped and blessed our lives and that we know to be true and of God. the spirit was really strong and we had a closing prayer that i felt super guided as i gave (which was really neat because on the mission especially, i've come to understand the kind of attitude we should have toward prayer and how it's not just pleasant but sincere, wholehearted work, and newsflash--that's not always easy! so His help for that man was a real blessing) and he left. and where i usually would have felt sad or angry, i felt so good and happy! and even though there are lots of people around us who may seem hard to love and get along with or share the gospel with, it just strengthened my testimony that the Lord wants to help all His children, and that requires us to love and serve them and to strive to treat them as Christ would, even when we ourselves wouldn't be naturally inclined to. grateful that the Lord helps us love and serve beyond our own abilities.
Lastly, lately I've been thinking a lot about...a lot. About the depth of my commitment to the Savior and how that's manifest to Him. About development. About teaching skills. About Russian. About how I've been using my time and about the habits I have and habits I'd still like to develop and mostly, about a loooot. Yesterday, I was talking with G, Sister I and M, and we started talking about what my topic will be when I speak in church. G said, "one month, right?", and we started to reminisce about how time moves and people change. I joked about how I didn't know anything my first Sunday--about Russian, about being a person and a missionary, etc--and G said, "I don't agree with you. From the very beginning, it was noticeable that your Russian was surprisingly good." That meant a lot to me but it also got me thinking...in first 5 months of my mission, various people of various nationalities told me that they had high expectations for my Russian abilities. Which is cool. But sometimes, when I look at how I started and where I am now, I feel like I didn't do as much with that as I could have. The last few months I feel like I have continued to grow, and within the last month especially, but there was a time there when it seems to me that I could have done more.
That got me thinking about the general idea of regret and "what could have been", which came up this morning as I studied in the Bible. Peter was the human embodiment of conviction and he loved the Savior with all his heart. From the very beginning in Luke 5, he recognized the divinity of the Savior and desired to be close to Him, despite his own fault. Time and time again, even after stumbling in his discipleship--falling in the water, denying the Christ, going back to his nets after seeing the resurrected Savior--he came back to Christ with wholeheartedness and a renewed sense of commitment, and even though maybe he didn't do it perfectly while the Savior was alive (which I thought of as an almost magical time for Peter, kind of like a mission is for me), he eventually got to the point after the exchange in John 21 when he changed forever and didn't look back. It was so touching to see that the best of us falter and make mistakes, but that because of the Atonement, we truly all can gain a testimony of the fact that "it's never too early and it's never too late". And it all just comes back to Philippians 4:11-13!
"11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
"12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
"13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
If we will simply follow the example of the New Testament disciples and
"forsake all and follow Him" (Luke 5:11),
He will take our little efforts and consecrate them for the benefit of our souls and those souls around us. It's just all about the Atonement and all about Christ, and especially after taking the sacrament yesterday, I am so thankful for that.
last thing to leave with you is the joy of watching sister symons in a congo line following elder shaw...and having her hands lingering above his hips but not touching because that would be unconsecrated. (we do service with people with disabilities and it was a holiday that day) hahahahahh. life is awkward and it is good.
that's all! i love you all heaps and heaps. the Lord is good and just manifests Himself so tenderly. we never have to question whether or not He's actually there or listening because if we will just take steps of simple faith towards Him, He always always always gives us confirmation. Alma 32:28, yo.
" 28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me."
our souls start to enlarge and we see the fruits of light and kindness and love and greater ability to endure in our lives! that is the promise of the gospel and of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and i testify that those things are real. the church is true and the Book of Mormon is the word of God. have a happy happy week loved ones. prayers always :)
love,
sister hansen
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