there is sunshine in my soul today

(но серьезно сейчас)  [but seriously now]

the last couple of days have been so happy.  I take that back actually.  Life is just the happiest thing, you feel me?  Even when it isn't.  There are just so many reasons to be grateful and happy каждый день (every day) and I love it.  No bad days club.  Every day is a rollercoaster but for reals, I'm enjoying the ride.  Sorry for sounding cheesy but wowow I am just so so so happy because this gospel is so so so happy and I hope you're all happy too.

So I really have no idea how to format this email because sometimes I go back and look at my bullet points and see that I conveyed like zero information and -9.6 transformational things (another брат McKay-ism: focus on the transformational, not informational.  Irrelevant but I have had some AMAZING mentors in my life and I am genuinely so grateful that that's continued into the MTC.  From брат McKay to брат Baum to брат Smith to Cectra Jackson to Cectra Albrecht to President Williams to them all.  All the love.) and it makes me sad.  Suggestions are more than welcome ya heard.

Today is the happiest because a) we had an AMAZING devotional last night.  Seriously inspired me so much and that--along with this talk we had from a random man in our sacrament meeting on Sunday--kind of changed my life as a missionary.  And then b) the temple this morning only added to the amazement.  It was incredible.  I had some questions about how I can be a better missionary and I found answers and more than anything, I found hope.  This work is crazy intimidating sometimes and it can be really frustrating to me because I don't know if I will ever be as good as I want to be.  But this is not my mission.  This is HIS mission.  It was His before and it will be His after and I am so privileged to do it with Him.  We're doing this one together.  Like I've seriously come to think of it as a giant mentor meeting with the best most perfect and wonderful Mentor in the universe and I ALWAYS come out of them feeling better and hopeful and at peace and a little bit more the missionary He called me to be.  Faith is amazing too btdubs.  Part of this work will be believing that the Lord ACTUALLY CAN do His work through me.  He trusted me enough to call me to it and I trust Him enough to believe it can happen.  If that makes sense.  Just.  I'm stoked on life.  But in the spiritual way.  And my world is sufficiently rocked.  I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up, my friends. (hashtag cheesy movies 5ever) (also I'm really feelin that rollercoaster analogy lately) (idk) Also at the end of my temple time I read Alma 26 in the Celestial Room and just.  Yes.  Alma and the Sons of Mosiah are the truest homies and the best examples and I want to be just like them.  In the words of the speaker last night, "don't deny the Lord opportunities to work miracles."  HAVE FAITH!  Because I really believe that this is His work and that He'll come through for us. Limits aren't mine to set.  So let's do this, ya feel me?

AND THEN my day (slash week) was made EVEN BETTER when I read emails from all of you.  I seriously love you all so much.  Thank you for the laughs and casual stories and spiritual experiences and videos (p.s. PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE STILL USES RUSTY BECAUSE I MISS MY GUITAR SO DANG MUCH) and just all the things.  Love love love love love.

It's funny that yous had an experience with I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go this week because I did too.  On Friday I was a bum and in the worst mood and everything that day just seemed to go from bad to worse.  Things just were rough, our elders from our district (who are seriously just like the homiest.  We have the best little district of 4 ever ever ever) (also I still haven't gotten a usb reader aaand I started using the wifi camera but have like 0 photos on it because there was no memory card so it can only hold like 6 photos at a time hahaha) (so sozzz for the lack of photos) who sadly leave a week before us got their travel plans AND THEN we found out that our Russian visas won't be done in time, which apparently means we will be reassigned temporarily.  We find out where tomorrow.  I don't really know what that's going to mean but we'll see ya feel me.  Anyway I didn't know how to feel about that.  Kind of just all over.  And theeen my comp's been sick so we went to this little clinic and the news was on.  When I saw everything that's happening in the world and remembered again how much is out there--because there is a lot of good and bad and beautiful and real and ahhh i just love this giant beautiful world we live in--I was both sad and confused and happy and just ahhh.  But then I remembered that song and the words and how sincerely I trust the Lord in His tender care and believed it again.  I really will go where He wants me to go, be it Kazakhstan or Russia or somewhere in the US or wherever.  Kind of have no idea what my life is right now.  Kind of still don't know what I feel.  But I know He loves me and I'm seriously the happiest.  What an adventure.  And 20 seconds of crazy insane courage, am I right?

Ah man.  That was a better email.  Sorry I probs won't do too many personal emails after this but I just hope you know the church is true, the love is real, life is good and you are all loved and prayed for so sincerely errday.  I hope your Wednesday is as happy as mine.

Last thing: a poem that Mr. Brown sent me that lowkey inspires me everyday--

I live my life in widening circles 

that reach out across the world.

I may not complete this last one

but I give myself to it.

Life is great.  Love you so much.  So so so much.  Happy Wednesday homeslices.

Sister Hansen

P.S.  Just got this lovely photo from Sis. Kay Paulson with the comment:  "Had a cute visitor today!!  She is great." Thank you, Sis. Paulson!

Sis. Hansen, P-Day, Wednesday, January 28, 2015.  :)

life is sad when open toed shoes are nilzya

fun fact: today all I wanted to do was wear dad's sweater that I stole with my jeans rolled up with wool socks and my hawaiian sandals so I put it on and it just felt right.  It was a moment of serenity in this dismal universe.  And then I remembered that open toed shoes aren't allowed and I shed a single tear.  Now I'm wearing those adorable (and incredibly unmatching with this outfit bc guess who's still wearing rolled jeans and socks) Taos shoes.  and such is life.  жизнь такая.

alright alright so this was a pretty bad jubilant week and I hate email day because I never know how to talk about it.  Why do bad things happen to good people.  But I will try!

- there's this girl here from Ukraine and she is the actual loveliest but I almost never talked to her because a) I only ever saw her in passing and b) she scared me because my Russian is bad.  But I had a real chat with her and another sister going to Russia and it. was. the. best.  She is seriously so beautiful as a human.  Hearing her talk about the members in Ukraine and how strong they are and how the youth are the strongest where Ukraine is most war-torn made me want to bawl.  And then hearing HER say that she knows they will love us and that she knows there are people waiting for us seriously killed me.  Sister Allen and I were just sobbing the happiest tears.  It was such a tender mercy.  People are BEAUTIFUL and I am so excited to be there with them.  Heavenly Father's love for us personally is real and I love it.

- Elder M. Russell Ballard talked to us last night and it was the best.  I don't have time to look through my notes right now but it was wonderful and I am so grateful for prophets.  (actually he did tell us this quick thing: whenever we're feeling discouraged, write a letter to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail. "Try to cheer him up."  I thought it was interesting that he talked about Liberty Jail because I've been thinking about that a lot this week.  More to come in the billion mile long letter I've been writing the last week or so.  Prepare yourselves.)

- Saturday night our district and the district that came in last Wednesday (because we have the leadership district bc we're the oldest now and have both the ZLs and STLs) (also Brunson Smith comes in next week holla holla) had an impromptu blessing session/testimony meeting and it was beautiful.  However, the thing that hit me the most was when Elder Crabb--an Elder from my district--bore his testimony about how angels helped pioneers, and how we are called to the be angels to the pioneers in Russia.  That went along with the theme of humility and clarity that I had this week because I realized YET AGAIN that this work is zero percent about me.  It's great that I'm kind of a "pioneer" serving in this new part of the world but the real pioneers are these people we're serving.  The opportunity to serve them is so humbling and I am so so so grateful.

- we've had some super cool lessons this week.  I'm learning so much about what it takes to bring the spirit and about how literally EVERYTHING we do should be focused on others.  Like I said...humbling and clear.  But so happy.  I find that I'm really the happiest when I remember that it isn't about me. 

Oh man.  I love yous so much.  And I am so grateful for you.  Only 2.5 weeks left in the MTC!!  Ochen crazy but ochen good.  The love is real.  Thank you for everything, thank you for the packages, thank you for the prayers and thank you for the love.  You're the best.  God bless us, everyone. (lil timmy voice) (<--- hope you read that in a Tom Haverford voice)

this week i ate a kymchee bowl and used some well-washed and also wrapped candy canes as chopsticks so look forward to selfies from that experience.  hahahah love you

Treat yourself.

sister Hansen

Bro. & Sis. Server, missionaries from our Ward, who will be serving for 18 months in Costa Rica, sent us this picture of them with Sis. Hansen when they went to the cafeteria at the MTC.  Thank you, Servers!  xoxo

right right ew ew

HIIII FAMILY.

First, thanks for all the crazy ridiculous love you showed me this week.  Even though my comp was очень (very much) exasperated that we went to the package office so many times I was grateful and it was really sweet of you.  I promise last week really wasn't THAT bad hahaha but I was really thankful for all the love.  Miss yous but know you're being taken care of and that all the thangs are good.  LIFE IS GOOD TODAY.

I feel kind of lame because this week was kind of uneventful (except for the fact that my bffs that I've known since day 1 of the MTC all left and I was очень (very much) sad face and my favorite member of the Branch Presidency that I seriously love SO MUCH got released and I JUST WANTED TO BE A BUM OKAY) and my USB drive thing isn't working on this computer so no photos and I think I just crossed the line from feeling lame to being lame.  Bummer.  I mean...it's not actually uneventful because every day has so much in it and I have to live every minute of it but I don't know what to tell y'all ya feel me.  However, there were a couple things that stuck out, aaand they were as follows:

- on Monday one of our new roommates left for the field (those English speakers.  hashtag still have a month here hashtag not bitter) and thought her time to report to the travel office was 5am but it was actually 3:35am so someone knocked on our door at 4 and told us she had to report сейчас (at the moment).  Sister Martin (who is honestly one of the most willing examples of service I've ever met) hopped out of bed and I went with her...partly bc she inspired me and partly bc I literally had to go.  We weren't wearing shoes or nametags or glasses and I looked hideous and it was 4am and it was rainy and a man literally laughed at us but it was a really happy way to start my day actually.  The love is real ya feel me.

- yesterday Elder Nelson of the 12

(Photo of Elder Russell M. Nelson courtesy of www.lds.org)

came again and it was a super super good devotional.  There was a lot that was said that related to me personally right now but probably the thing that stuck out the most was this phrase: "as you serve, please be happy.  Please smile.  If you look grumpy, who wants to look like you?" hahahah preaaaach good sir.  I needed to remember that.  But he also shared a scripture that was really good for me to read.  D&C 136:32:  

"32 Let him that is ^aignorant ^blearn ^cwisdom by ^dhumbling himself and calling upon the Lord his God, that his ^eeyes may be opened that he may see, and his ears opened that he may hear;" 

If we ever feel like we don't know enough (which I literally feel every. day. (nacho voice)) it's okay because we don't have to acknowledge it and die in our suckiness.  We can DO something about it.  We can humble ourselves and go to the Savior and because of Him, we can do it.  oorah! (this also looks cooler in Russian) (and sounds better in Brat Smith's voice) (whatever)

- my Russian IS GETTING BETTER!!!  Miracles are real!!

- baby missionaries are coming to our zone today!  plus we're the official oldies!  happy!

- I told a teacher that I'm a happy person and he said "I know" and it also made me happy so.

- favorite thing: Nephi rocks my world.  Between 1 Nephi 3:7:

" 7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I ^awill goand do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I knowthat the Lord giveth no ^bcommandments unto the children of men,save he shall ^cprepare a way for them that they may accomplishthe thing which he commandeth them."

 and 1 Nephi 17:50-51:

"50 And I said unto them: ^aIf God had commanded me to do allthings I could do them. If he should command me that I shouldsay unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if Ishould say it, it would be done.

 51 And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought somany miracles among the children of men, how is it that hecannot ^ainstruct me, that I should build a ship?"

I'm inspired.  I have so little to give and so far to go but because the Lord asked it of me, I KNOW it can be done.  So I'll go and do it.  I'll pull a Nephi and put my rocks together and make a fire.  And then together we'll make tools and this boat and all the things.  IT CAN BE DONE!!  It's not impossible.  It's necessary.  So let's do this.

Alright alright I totes have to go but I love you all lots and am praying for you in all the things.  I hope everything is going well.  It's all good here.  God bless America.

Luv ya! (ew) (I cringed at myself) (sorry) (kinda)

Sister Hansen

что значит брить? (English: What it means to shave?)

(heh heh heh.  I thought that was clever. #teamleggingsandboots4eva)

THIS WEEK WAS A WEEK OF MIRACLES.  Seriously.  It was one of the rougher weeks I've had here at the MTC (not in the bad way.  In the good way.  Just...it challenged me a lot ya feel) and it was also the best week I've had so far.  I don't even know where to start and my email time ends at 12:35 and LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES OKAY.

Things:

- this week had so many goodbyes and it was actually the worst.  We lost two of our teachers, Sister Jackson (who's working in a different part of the MTC now) and Brother McKay (who's going to Jerusalem because he's a stud and we seriously love him), and they were ochen sad face goodbyes. We taught our last lessons with them and they were good and then they read us their last journal entries and bore their testimonies and oh man.  It was rough.  But inspiring.  And I'm super grateful for them.  Alsooo Elder Maylett left for Ukraine Monday night and I actually cried saying goodbye to him (in my defense I was way tired and I was actually really homesick that day...first time it's really hit me in the MTC and it was on a way way good but way exhausting day), aaand the rest of that original district leaves us Sunday and it'll be sad.  But life is good.  

- last Wednesday it was 12 degrees colder here than it was in Novo :') 

- FIRST EMBARRASSING LANGUAGE SLIPUPS: We were teaching Артём (aka Brother Smith aka "our first investigator" aka the teacher I said I would marry (jokes jokes obvs) aka the only of our original 3 teachers we still have aka a way cool teacher that I love that also served in Novo yeeehaw)   this week and had a way good lesson...and then in the prayer I accidentally thanked Heavenly Father for её (her) spirit and desire instead of его (His)...hashtag failure.  And then the next day we taught Кирилл the restoration and he asked my comp if Joseph Smith wrote the Book of Mormon and I caught on too late and she was like "da, da" and then we got into something else so basically we're corrupting people and it's the best.  Buuut things are getting so much better with the language and with my ability to listen to the Spirit and my understanding of the doctrine and life is a good thangmashang lately.

- the other day I was super frustrated because I felt so much love for my investigator and I wanted so badly to bring a spirit that would just change their lives and it didn't happen like that.  I asked Brat Baum (one of our new teachers.  Seriously rocks my world.) about it and he directed me to Jacob 4:18 

" 18 Behold, my beloved brethren, I will unfold this mystery unto you; if I do not, by any means, get shaken from my firmness in the Spirit, and stumble because of my over anxiety for you."

and I kind of feel changed forever.  I've been learning a lot about what it means to have faith and about how sometimes, all we can--and should--do is prepare, thank the Lord for what we have (EVEN if it seems small...like my Russian) and smile bc we trust that He will allow it to be enough.  Like the fish/bread and the multitudes.  BUT faith is also expressed as we are still.  Sometimes we just have to be still and continue to give our all even when we're not sure we're actually enough.  And even though that's hard and humbling, it is so happy.  Missionary work is SO HAPPY.

- my comp and I have started getting up between 5:30 and 6 and exercising and it's the best.  Running still sucks but I feel sooo much better.

- 4 new girls moved into our room last week and I was bothered at first because we didn't know they were coming and even though they're really sweet and so good, they're noisy and don't really understand the concept of quiet time or lights out or cleanliness, AND they aren't even going to our mission...I am a bum.  sozzz.  BUT.  I also don't believe in coincidence and am really grateful we've met them.  They're lovely and so sincere and I'm learning a lot.  Also they're hilarious and I'm happy.

I'm seriously out of time but I am learning SO MUCH and even though I'm a bum I'm slowly getting where I'm supposed to be.  I know I know I know.  and I am so so so thankful for all your love and support and everything.  I've been thinking about you a lot lately and it's made me a little bit sad.  Most homesick I've been probably.  But the work is a glorious privilege and getting down and doing it is the best way to fix things, I've found.  And I am happy.  Hurrah for Israel.

Sorry I can't respond to individual emails and that the email I did write was probs just rambly and pointless, but know that I love you with my whole heart and pray for you all the time.  I hope your individual needs are met and that y'all are the happiest even though you have early morning soccer...suckers.  hahaha

I love you!  Have a good week!

Sister Hansen

-  #sadllama

- Zone