a lot happened this week and it's hard to put it all into words and one email. we learned and grew and deepened relationships and understood how to contact more effectively and remembered the vision of missionary work and there were just SO MANY GLORIOUS THINGS that i wanted to tell you about. but as per always, time and its restraints make fools of us all, so we're just going to talk about the most important things today.
being a flawed human in the faulty realm of human existence, i've come to learn a lot of things as we've strived to participate in a divine work as a full-time servant of our Savior Jesus Christ.
this last week, reflecting on these things has been one of the most bittersweet things i've ever done. part of me is just filled with pure gratitude and satisfaction and the other part of me is so worried about what i've done and haven't done, the depth of my love and commitment, whether or not i've actually done what the Lord wanted me to do here and whether or not i helped and found and loved all those He called me here to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with. and in the midst of these worries, the Lord tenderly took my hand and taught me this lesson:
"9 I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me; yea, and this is my glory, that perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God to bring some soul to repentance; and this is my joy.
"10 And behold, when I see many of my brethren truly penitent, and coming to the Lord their God, then is my soul filled with joy; then do I remember what the Lord has done for me, yea, even that he hath heard my prayer; yea,then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me." (Alma 29: 9-10)
He just reminded me that "my mission" isn't about me at all. It is about Jesus Christ. It's about His Atonement
and His way
(Source for both art pictures: https://www.lds.org/media-library?lang=eng)
and His desires. And it's about seeing these people the way that He does, and giving all in my power AND His to invite and help them come unto the Savior that we all are in such great need of. I feel like the only way to "return with honor" and endure to the end and have no regrets in missionary work and in life is to take a page out of the Savior's book and stop making these soul-shaping experiences about us. When Christ came to save us, He came to SAVE US. He didn't come to save us...aaand be super cool and make friends and see the world and become a hero and gain personal satisfaction and be admired and missed and loved and appreciated. He came for the sole purpose of saving us, and the success of MY mission will not be measured only in what I learned and how I developed and who I've become and whether or not that's sufficient, but in how I use my agency and my faith in this very moment and seek to help the souls around me come unto Christ. And because of a merciful God that allows us to choose ourselves, that's a choice that is NEVER too late or never too far away to make. I am grateful. I hope to make it my whole life. But especially and always, I hope to make it today!
"22 And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
"23 For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—
"24 That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God."
I just want to say that Christ truly is our Savior. I know He loves us and that because of Him, we really can change. We really can become new people and become closer to God and know that we are doing what we should be and that we're fulfilling our purpose and potential. I testify of a living God who loves and wants to save and lift each of His children. He's heard my prayers and He's heard the prayers of these people and His hand has been in it all. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true, and that is true with all it entails. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, Joseph Smith was a prophet and we are being led today by a true and living prophet. AND IT IS JOY!! It is real!
"35 O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect?"
The love is real and so is the light. Thank you for everything. Grateful to get to love and serve
Sis. Hansen singing at Mission Conference in KZ
(Photo credit: Sis. Diane Toronto)
and learn and follow the Savior all of my life.
Sis. Hansen with Pres. and Sis. Toronto at Mission Conference in KZ
hi mumma. i read your email and cried. i had a really, really, really good chat with president toronto this week during my final interview. about a lot of things. but one of the most important things we talked about, i think, was all of you and what to expect while adjusting and the things to keep in mind. and i hope you know that i love you. with all my heart. and that even though of COURSE i'm sad to be leaving, i really am very excited to see all of you, and i know that a lot of wonderful things are in store for our time together. so that's joyous :) anyway, sorry, we aren't emailing right now because sister symons has a headache and thinks it's a migraine and we're going to take her home to sleep it off. but we'll try to find some time to write sometime later today or later this week (not tomorrow or the next day because zone conf...and then we have splits the next two days...but WE'LL TRY heh heh), at least. sorry sorry :( and please say sorry to everyone i didn't get to write to. but know that i love you all with ALL my heart and that i really do pray for you every day and that a lot of times it's just gratitude that comes out. even though a mission and the gospel and the Lord have changed my life, that all started in our home and i don't have words to thank you for that. but thank you anyway :) i love you!! i love you i love you i love. be strong and be happy and know that the Lord and the Savior and me are all on your side. i love you!! i love you and dad and taylor and mark and tia and all of you. so so so much. families are forever and aren't we lucky for that :) talk to you soon. all the love and prayers in the meantime.
love,
sister hansen
decided to make a rash decision and not just forward my president letter along...whaaaat. it'll be short, but here are the thoughts for the week:
1. gratitude! this is seriously such a powerful principle of the gospel. it keeps us humble, helps us keep faith and increases our love for the Lord. so here are some of my gratitudes for the week...
- sister i and her turning a pushkin themed fhe into a great thought on fidelity and why exact faithfulness is so important--in marriage and also in terms of our relationship with the Lord!
- seeing how something as simple as card games and real interaction soften hard hearts
- finding miracle people in the area book
- the Book of Mormon
- learning how to not be a doofus and buy ice cream in a muslim country in public during ramadan...(i bought it to give to a little kid that looked SO sad but then he disappeared and i was stuck with the guilt...score) sorry everyone
- mlc!! prepping with the turkey zone leaders and elder t and President our plans for zone conference! the turkey zone leaders are even coming and we're talking about a passion for finding and it will be JOY
- the fact that people change and that i get to see that miracle of the Atonement and the Lord working in people's lives every single day
- sister A! the relief society president here who is just a QUEEN and such a good example of how to be a missionary and a person. helped her, ate ice cream, felt the spirit, cried, etc
- "thank you for talking to people" - brother g
- saw the miracle of V, a woman we contacted because we contacted another man who ended up speaking english...she asked us if we could translate the terms on her microwave that were in english and that she'd written and carried around with her just in case...SO CUTE. and she wants to come to church!! so much potential!
"3 Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble."
- sister symons and our laughter and our humility and how she keeps me sane and makes me better
- g, a former that moved back and is praying about a baptismal date
- the fact that brandon flowers is a mormon ("ah, mormons! the leader of the killers is a mormon!" (shoutout to sister symons for thinking the girl we contacted that said this was talking about the kkk. hahahahaah)
- sketchy corn dogs
- sunsets
- the sacrament
- the power of the Atonement!
2. really just feeling the acute need for repentance in my life. every day, i see that i've come a long way and then realize HOW MUCH MORE the Lord deserves out of me. and sometimes, when i'm trying to save the world and myself singlehandedly, i feel sad. but most days, when i remember that truly, ONLY by grace we are saved and only through Christ are we justified, life is something we can do again. grateful for humility. grateful for the "new life" we find and new creatures we can become through Christ every day. if i sound like i'm dependent and clingy, it's probably because i am! and we all are. and it's okay that we experience the valleys of godly sorrow like Nephi does in 2 Nephi as long as we ALWAYS remember the "nevertheless, i know in Whom i have trusted", too.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, … no never forsake!
people can change!! that is the promise of the gospel and it applies for everyone we know and love and maybe don't love and always for ourselves, too. what a hope! what a miracle!! what a thing to work towards and live for and embrace and appreciate! and what a privilege to see that daily. which is neat because it's the promise of the Atonement, not just of a mission.
3. work work work. this is such a sacred time and daily, satan's like "hey get distracted because THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR LIFE is coming up or at least just remember that THIS IS A REALLY SAD THING TO LEAVE and dwell on that okay or second guess that you've done enough or that you'll do enough before you leave or that you can change" and lots of similar things. and there are moments when he gets me and i waste time being sad and doubtful and afraid and overwhelmed. but that is the exact opposite of everything i have come to love and appreciate and work for and believe in, and i hope with allllll my heart to be able to tell the Lord that, along with Paul, I also fought a good fight, finished my course and kept the faith. and that's something i hope i and you and all of us hold to and never ever ever stop doing for the rest of our lives. missionaries, members, friends, whatever it may be, we're all people and we're all children of our loving Heavenly Father. the people around us need the blessings of the Atonement as much and as often as we do and that's just our calling in life. alma 43:1.
"1 And now it came to pass that the sons of Alma did go forth among the people, to declare the word unto them. And Alma, also, himself, could not rest, and he also went forth."
we can't rest.
so yeah. just working on loving the moment, loving the Lord and loving these people a little bit more. and it's joy. leggggo.
the church is true and it's the Savior and it's our only path and hope for joy and for peace and for forgiveness and for purpose. and the BEST NEWS is that if you don't know, you can know!! He wants to share with us and to help us know and grow and become! the Lord lives and loves us and loved ones, how good He is.
allllll the love and prayers always,
sister hansen
(title courtesy of sister symons. background: to say you feel sick in russian, you say "я чувствую себя плохо" (literally, i feel bad, and in this sense bad is pronounced = "ploha"). we ate sketchy plov (плов) the other day and felt the consequences...and she said she felt PLOVHA and i laughed for probably 20 minutes)
hi loved ones!!
and we're back to "excerpts of my letter to president plus occasional embellishments"...i hope you enjoyed the break but didn't get used to it :')
what a happy happy week!! we are working hard and seeing miracles every day and being a missionary is super joyous.
Sis. Symons shopping on P-Day
on saturday i texted e and told her that we had been friends for a year and just that i was grateful that the Lord had let us meet and stuff and it was really tender. that night she texted back and said really tender things in return, which was so cute and unexpected because she's not a really emotional person...and then i started crying because i just love her soo much and it kills me that she doesn't want the gospel right now. and i'm not even worried because i know with all my heart that she has felt it and WILL accept it but i'm just really sad and selfish that it's not right now. but that's okay. i love her and the Lord does too and all will work out in His timing. then on sunday this woman told me about how leaving missions are the worst thing ever and i cried for probably 15 minutes. i think leaving this place might break my heart. but it's okay because the Lord's plan is not one to be lived in the past! good things are always on the horizon and the important thing is how we choose to live today. so i'm just doing my best to live today and every today on the mission and throughout my life the way the Lord would want me to for His children as a disciple of Christ. and it is just suuuuch a happy way to live. so grateful for all the good things in my life :)
also special shoutout to planning holla holla. that changed this whooole week and all our time here. Up until this point, Sister Symons and I had been struggling a little bit in understanding what to focus on...between contacting, the Area Book, less-active members and working with all the potential investigators we'd already found, we felt scattered and like we were constantly coming up short. But this week, during our weekly planning session, we really decided to sit down and figure out what we want to do and see here and what steps we can take to make it happen.
And just like that, things have been so much better! We know what we want to do every day and our studies and actions are determined by the goals and overall vision we have for our time together. We feel like we have direction in the things we do and it's getting easier to make those choices between good, better and best. Planning is something I've struggled with a lot of my life but actually, IT'S SUCH A BLESSING!! Who would have thought? I really see how when we take the time to planning effective, revelatory time, the week itself is more smooth and more revelatory because it's more focused on our purpose. And with everyone and their MOM trying to remind me that one of these days, there's a plane taking me back to America, focusing on our purpose in such an effective and powerful way is something I need right now you feel me.
We saw lots of wonderful things happen this week. We've started reteaching a less-active sister, Sister N, and she came to church for the first time in probably three years--WITH A FRIEND!! It was so happy to see. We started working with a lot of the solid contacts we've made lately, and even though not all of them are ready, Sister Symons and I are learning a lot about how to meet people where they are, share what we know and love with sweet boldness, and teach in unity with power, authority and the Spirit. We just have found ourselves happier, and even though some days are still stressful,
our companionship is strong and we're able to keep each other sane and in line. It's a really happy time on my mission.
last night we met with a man that we contacted last week. he's a 35 year old physics professor who's single and seems kind of sad and in the beginning of the contact we had a suuuper interesting conversation about God. he doesn't believe in God but rather a "higher mind". as we asked questions and exchanged thoughts and he started to think in a different way, he got really defensive and then started telling me that i was dumb and closeminded and didn't know very much. HELLO FIERY TEMPER THAT IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. we ended the conversation but he asked if we could exchange numbers and talk some more. -_- we took his number because Christ wouldn't have turned him away and then invited him to church on saturday. he said he couldn't come but would like to meet. we set up a meeting and invited the elders just in case and he came...and we taught the first two points of the plan of salvation...and by the end things had exploded again. but the COOLEST thing was what Sister Symons
had reminded me about as we'd planned that morning--that whether or not he's ready to accept the gospel right now, this will be his first interaction with missionaries from our church which we claim to be the church of Christ. that means that he should come away feeling the spirit and the love of Christ above all things. during the lesson, things got pretty heated but we made it clear that we wouldn't fight. Elder Teuscher ended up just saying "okay that's enough, thank you for using your agency, we're going to stop now" and he was about to leave--and then the spirit helped me testify to him that God loves him, that we're here not to force people into anything or to tell them that they're wrong but to share the things that have shaped and blessed our lives and that we know to be true and of God. the spirit was really strong and we had a closing prayer that i felt super guided as i gave (which was really neat because on the mission especially, i've come to understand the kind of attitude we should have toward prayer and how it's not just pleasant but sincere, wholehearted work, and newsflash--that's not always easy! so His help for that man was a real blessing) and he left. and where i usually would have felt sad or angry, i felt so good and happy! and even though there are lots of people around us who may seem hard to love and get along with or share the gospel with, it just strengthened my testimony that the Lord wants to help all His children, and that requires us to love and serve them and to strive to treat them as Christ would, even when we ourselves wouldn't be naturally inclined to. grateful that the Lord helps us love and serve beyond our own abilities.
Lastly, lately I've been thinking a lot about...a lot. About the depth of my commitment to the Savior and how that's manifest to Him. About development. About teaching skills. About Russian. About how I've been using my time and about the habits I have and habits I'd still like to develop and mostly, about a loooot. Yesterday, I was talking with G, Sister I and M, and we started talking about what my topic will be when I speak in church. G said, "one month, right?", and we started to reminisce about how time moves and people change. I joked about how I didn't know anything my first Sunday--about Russian, about being a person and a missionary, etc--and G said, "I don't agree with you. From the very beginning, it was noticeable that your Russian was surprisingly good." That meant a lot to me but it also got me thinking...in first 5 months of my mission, various people of various nationalities told me that they had high expectations for my Russian abilities. Which is cool. But sometimes, when I look at how I started and where I am now, I feel like I didn't do as much with that as I could have. The last few months I feel like I have continued to grow, and within the last month especially, but there was a time there when it seems to me that I could have done more.
That got me thinking about the general idea of regret and "what could have been", which came up this morning as I studied in the Bible. Peter was the human embodiment of conviction and he loved the Savior with all his heart. From the very beginning in Luke 5, he recognized the divinity of the Savior and desired to be close to Him, despite his own fault. Time and time again, even after stumbling in his discipleship--falling in the water, denying the Christ, going back to his nets after seeing the resurrected Savior--he came back to Christ with wholeheartedness and a renewed sense of commitment, and even though maybe he didn't do it perfectly while the Savior was alive (which I thought of as an almost magical time for Peter, kind of like a mission is for me), he eventually got to the point after the exchange in John 21 when he changed forever and didn't look back. It was so touching to see that the best of us falter and make mistakes, but that because of the Atonement, we truly all can gain a testimony of the fact that "it's never too early and it's never too late". And it all just comes back to Philippians 4:11-13!
"11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
"12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
"13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
If we will simply follow the example of the New Testament disciples and
He will take our little efforts and consecrate them for the benefit of our souls and those souls around us. It's just all about the Atonement and all about Christ, and especially after taking the sacrament yesterday, I am so thankful for that.
last thing to leave with you is the joy of watching sister symons in a congo line following elder shaw...and having her hands lingering above his hips but not touching because that would be unconsecrated. (we do service with people with disabilities and it was a holiday that day) hahahahahh. life is awkward and it is good.
that's all! i love you all heaps and heaps. the Lord is good and just manifests Himself so tenderly. we never have to question whether or not He's actually there or listening because if we will just take steps of simple faith towards Him, He always always always gives us confirmation. Alma 32:28, yo.
" 28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me."
our souls start to enlarge and we see the fruits of light and kindness and love and greater ability to endure in our lives! that is the promise of the gospel and of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and i testify that those things are real. the church is true and the Book of Mormon is the word of God. have a happy happy week loved ones. prayers always :)
Seeing as I have sent you horrific emails for the last 17 months, I figured I'd send you at least a semi-decent one today. because hey, let's be real...being a missionary is the BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. aaaand my emails should probably at least reflect the joy and miracles we see and experience you feel me. heh heh.
"behold, I will show you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all who He has chosen..." (1 Nephi 1:20)
THIS WEEK, that includes:
Gratitude! Sometimes I want to panic and be sad that time is ticking but this week has just been one of work and joy and gratitude. I love being a missionary! And today, I'm simply happy for and humbled by this time to be a representative of Jesus Christ among people that He loves so much.
GOING TO ASTANA ON EXCHANGES!!! That really just changed my entire life. First of all, we saw what is probably the cutest baby in the entire PLANET on the plane. Think baby from Ice Age.
Second, WE GOT TO DO MISSIONARY WORK IN ASTANA WITH THE SISTERS AND PEOPLE WE LOVE SO MUCH!!
The KZ Sisters (L-R): Sis. Morrison, Sis. Hansen, Sis. Peterson, Sis. Symons and Sis. Slight
Photo credit: Sis. Diane Toronto
Sister Peterson and I served together the first day and it was great. Before the exchanges, the thing she said she wanted to learn about was different contacting techniques--how to start conversations and how to tie in the gospel every time. She doesn't have her permission to preach yet, and while any person in the world would be dying of frustration and stress right now, she is a CHAMP and finding ways to thrive. She had an experience last week where she contacted a man on the bus under the rules and he ended up meeting with them to hear about the gospel, and since then she decided never to discount the miracles the Lord can work through her even now. Basically, she's a stud. Also, a man told her that she should wear a habit because it would suit her and she would look just like Mother Theresa. hahaha. #love101
We had a meeting with N which was just the BEST because a) we got to help N and b) Sister P just shared her whole soul during that lesson! His favorite hymn is "Brightly Beams our Father's Mercy"
so we sang that together in the beginning and the spirit was so strong. Getting to share real ways the Savior and our faith in Him has helped us was too good (remember that one time when I was in the best circumstances ever in Russia but was super sad and wanted to come home and was doubting everything but literally could not doubt that Christ was my Savior or the things I'd felt in His church and how in a very real way, it kept me together? Helaman 5:12
"12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty stormshall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
is REAL okay) and getting to remind him that the way to continue to feel the Savior's love and strength is in HIS very church. And he listened and I think he felt something and getting to invite someone I love SO much to truly come unto Christ was a blessing and a privilege.
We contacted together for our evening block and that was really one of the funnest and most rewarding things that's happened lately. We just sought to open our mouths to as many people as possible to share the gospel with them! And we did. And even though sometimes the questions that came out were less smooth than we had planned and not every single conversation got to the gospel, we really felt the spirit lead us alllll night long and we saw how the Lord just put people in our path that have so much potential (like A, the woman who has seen temples in Utah before!). It was a big testimony builder for me too because it just reminded me that the Lord confirms right choices not just with miracles, but with joy in your own heart. We also met a man who, in the beginning, was trash talking Mormons and telling us that we live by old weird rituals and that we wear pioneer clothes (which was ironic because the ~fabulous~ Sister P was literally right in front of his eyes...), and by the end wanted to read the Book of Mormon! The Lord just goes before our face every single day and places people in the path. Even the grandma that we contacted by asking where the nearest bathroom was that told us that such a big city SHOULD have toilets and that it's embarrassing that it doens't because "PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING!!! I AM SUFFERING!!" it has been a long time since I've seen so much passion in such a tiny, wrinkly, cute body. #bless Afterward, she told me that really helped her understand how to start conversations while street or bus contacting and how to get to the gospel and it helped her feel the fire again. She saw her faith grow and mine did as well. Basically, she's the best. Her Russian is SO good, she laughs an appropriate amount (think Elder Wirthlin in 'Come What May and Love It')
and she is willing to start a conversation with anyone. At one point there was a family on the street that I knew we should talk to but I felt nervous about starting a conversation with. While we were approaching them, I was racking my brain to think of a question...and then she surprised me by opening her own mouth and just going for it! It was so good. Also, blini.
Sis. Hansen and Sis. Slight doing a service project with the other members
Really, I don't know what it is but something happened in our companionship this winter that is almost magical, and whenever we're together I feel such an increased desire to do everything the Lord expects of us and greater faith in what He can do as we become those kinds of people. It was so happy and like home to be there and to work under those circumstanes! We contacted and met some people who REALLY didn't want to hear what we had to say and a cool kid that went to ASU even though he's from Moscow ("ah...you're recruiting" haha) and met some really lovely souls. We also got a call from a woman we contacted this winter! We met with her and she said she'd been having a super hard time lately and just wanted to tell me her problems because even though she hadn't been interested in the gospel at the time, she remembered that I believed in God. Cute woman. We met with their new investigator, V, and he had SO many questions about the Book of Mormon. Really good questions, too. For example, how could did these people live by the law of Christ (the law of baptism, repentance, faith, grace, etc) when all the people before them lived the law of Moses (saying that essentially the law of Christ hadn't been introduced yet and couldn't have been lived by until the other law was fulfilled)? Why didn't Isaiah get to know about Christ's law when SO much else got revealed to him? How could Laban--a powerful, important man, have been both drunk AND left alone in the middle of the street? Things like that. We got to answer all these questions with scriptures from the Book of Mormon and that was suuuper cool because we got to see the fruits of all the studying and praying and seeking for understanding we do every day. But all the answers we gave that he wasn't satisfied with we backed up with our personal, sincere testimonies of the divinity of the Book of Mormon and that he can know too. It was great and he's a super good guy. It's also neat how Sister Slight always teaches from a place of sincerity and calm faith. She never gets stressed or frustrated or ruffled. Somehow, she always sees the other person as a child of God and is able to think and teach by the Spirit because she doesn't have that barrier of stress or panic getting in the way. So good.
That evening pretty much killed my soul. I got sick and at English I thought I was going to die and pulled out my contacts and everything...it was so pathetic and so ugly. hahha. but talking to those friends we made that we have actually come to love so much and that I know will accept it someday was so great. Someone even had a dream about me in which I cursed someone out in PERFECT RUSSIAN. and I mean, cursing someone out isn't my style, but he said the words I was using were "really, super Russian". ahahahha. M was there (!!!!) and she was skyping with Sister Johnson, who asked if she could play us a song. She played "count on me" by Bruno Mars
and then just said she loves us all and that even though the mission ends, the friendships never do. That's when the tears started...AND THEN THEY DIDN'T STOP. Walking out of the branch there for the last time tore my heart open and then saying goodbye one by one to our favorites there as they went to their various bus stops cut a new heartstring every time. THE VERY WORST, though, was M. Wowowowowowowow. she gave me the Little Prince in Russian.
and we just hugged. and cried. and said that we will see each other again and expressed gratitude and that was it and it just killed me. SO GRATEFUL for that Christlike soul and for how she has shaped and taught me. Just experience the most profound gratitude for every person the Lord has allowed me to love and serve and interact with here. During planning, kept crying and just wanted to be a sad sack...until Sister Slight and I remembered President Cooke's
President and Sis. Cooke, Washington DC North Mission
(the Washington DC North mission president holla he's the best) famous line: "charlie mike". Finish the mission. And retaining and working and loving and teaching according to everything outlined in Alma 26:29-30
"29 And we have entered into their houses and taught them, and we have taught them in their streets; yea, and we have taught them upon their hills; and we have also entered into their temples and their synagogues and taught them; and we have been cast out, and mocked, and spit upon, and smote upon our cheeks; and we have been stoned, and taken and bound with strong cords, and cast into prison; and through the power and wisdom of God we have been delivered again.
"30 And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some."
every day of the rest of my mission and the rest of my entire life is my goal and my prayer.
We had a giant sleepover of sisters in the living room
and actually went to bed at a decent time but I woke up Sister Peterson...by sleep talking...in Russian. ABOUT TOILETS AND PEACE. And when she said "what's that?" I got semi-conscious and said "uhh....that I said just barely? It was just...a couple of reminders...." even smooth in my sleep. hahahaha. but really, the sisters in this country are the BEST and I am so excited and grateful for the missionary culture and joy there will be here among missionaries, members and Kazakh people alike for years and years to come because of their faith, love, obedience, work and consecration. THEY ARE JUST THE BEST!!!
Had a talent show and I sang His Eye is on the Sparrow
and was sick and didn't sound good. Buuuuut a former investigator, N, was there, and she said she felt something SO strongly she almost cried! THANK YOU, SPIRIT!! there were just like 2248920482390482390 moments that evening that reminded me that as we stop questioning what we have to give and just GIVE it for our brothers and sisters, the Lord qualifies our efforts. so grateful that He makes up the difference.
Other than that, this week was fantastic. Sister Symons and I have seen miracles every single time we've done all we can to effectively plan and then just thrust in our sickles and worked. For example, yesterday--we gave away two copies of the Book of Mormon! One was to a man we contacted on Saturday evening (that was so special. Sometimes when I'm contacting, there are moments when I share the gospel because I know it's MY responsibility and will be on MY head and all that stuff, but when we talked to this man, the Lord just gave me so much love for HIM. He's old and doesn't have any children and has only been married for two years and that makes him sad, and we shared the gospel because we know that's the only way HE'LL find real peace in his heart and we really want him to find that. Too good.) and another was to a man we met as we were contacting! We were walking the same direction and we asked him a question about where to find a trash can and next thing we knew, he walked all the way to the church with us to get a Book of Mormon. Small and simple things, huh? :) He is a physics guy and doesn't leave his house that often and isn't even sure that God exists but he really listened to our testimonies and wanted to know how we had come to know, and when we said the Book of Mormon helped us and that he could know too, he came and got one. The Lord is with us! And we felt that in the big miracles and in all the joyous little moments as well. Such a happy work! And along that same note, Sister Symons is an actual angel.
On the way to church yesterday, we walked past a boy and a girl sitting on a bench. Their backs were to us and when I contacted them, the girl looked up and I saw that she was sobbing her eyes out. I felt like I'd interrupted a sacred moment and was thrown off guard and apologized and left. It made me soo sad, and I told Sister Symons about how I felt sad that I hadn't been more prepared to help her in a moment when she obviously needed some kind of help. I hadn't said anything at all! But instead of saying, "yeah, that's the worst", Sister Symons just said, "well, we can still go back!" So we took two pancakes (that we had brought for the linger longer) and literally ran back and gave them to her. We asked her if she was okay and if we could help and she told us that her brother just got sent into the army. She didn't ask us who we were so we couldn't give that much of a testimony, but we just told her God loves her and knows her and her family and that He's with them in this hard time. We gave her hugs and told her to write down our number if we can do anything and it was such a tender, satisfying, human, Christlike moment--and it was all prompted by Sister Symons. So thankful for her! She always remembers why we're here and makes it so easy to follow promptings. She's a good one.
basically, life is full of miracles and joy and laughter and fake nutella and faith and work and tears and sacrifice and the spirit and all the things that make life worth living. and i am SO GRATEFUL for it.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
the Lord loves us and has a plan for each of us, and i know that each day just gets better and better. the best is yet to come so we better enjoy this moment to know what to measure it against, aye? so grateful for the love and mercy and light and hope and confirmation I receive from Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, every day. They live, They love us, and this really is their church. The Book of Mormon is true and is the source of answers and that is an assurance anyone who is willing to act in sincerity can receive. God is good!
love you all SO so so much. pray for you always. talk soon and have a happy happy happy week my loves!
sister hansen
~this week's title courtesy of a kid that always tries to speak the tiny bit of english he knows and somehow mixed up the oos and the l in 'cool'. hahahaha~
hello loves!!
this morning i was thinking about the principle of faith and how faith in Jesus Christ is the first and most foundational step in anything we do in the gospel. and in thinking about how we show faith, one of the things that came to mind was gratitude. when we have faith in the Lord, we're able to do what Christ did when He fed the 4,000 in Matthew 15--He asked for the simple things those around Him could give, for the benefit of the people He'd been called to serve, and then He did something interesting. instead of living the life of Sister Hansen and being like "OOOKAY WE ONLY HAVE SEVEN LOAVES HERE WHAT DO WE DO. Peter why didn't you bring any money today eh?! HOW CAN WE MAKE THIS HAPPEN SOMEONE SOS PLEASE HELP, HEAVENLY FATHER HOW CAN WE HELP YOUR CHILDREN WHAT DO WE EVEN DO", He accepted their tiny sacrifices and He "gave thanks". In the chapter before that when He fed the 5,000, He just looked up to heaven, blessed and gave. He never focused on what was lacking or imperfect in situations, but instead expressed gratitude to the Father for the stream of tender mercies He poured out and then repeated one of the crowning acts of His ministry--He put His hands on weak things and made them strong for the goodness of those around them. And throughout my mission, I have seen that through the principle of gratitude to the Lord for all He IS doing coupled with the faith that in giving things to Christ to give to others, relying on His power that is mighty to save, miracles happen. the Lord is with us and we see His very own almighty hand where other people might see lack. it reminds me of an email I got from a certain Ben Brown
Mr. Ben Brown, one of Sis. Hansen's mentors in high school
at the beginning of my mission:
I really resonated with what you described about cherishing. I've recently become fascinated with the book of Job, and there's an interesting line in there about the fleeting nature of things, and how that should give us gratitude. Right after Job loses everything he says, "[T]he Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Now, I don't actually think that God goes around taking things we love away from us, but I don't think that's what he's saying here. I think he's hinting at a deeper truth, one that you described when you talked about learning to cherish. Everything is fleeting, everything is changing. This may seem rather grim, but it offers us a choice: to be bitter for the inevitable end of things, or to be grateful for the journeys.
And I guess I just wanted to say today that life is joy. Life in Christ is a joyous experience, because through our heartaches and peaks, He carries us. We find out that we really CAN do things through Christ which strengtheneth us. And even though most days I get really caught up in that journey of learning to work with our perfect Savior, today I'm just really grateful that He is who He is and that in His mercy and love, He did what He did. Lots to do but we have the best news in the world--Christ lives, He is our Savior and that in His strength, we also can overcome. what a ride, eh?
the church is true my dears. the Book of Mormon is the secret to peace and the safety of a foundation in this crazy world because it's Christ's book. His words are written there and i know we can ALWAYS trust Him. Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and President Monson is the Lord's prophet today! if we will trust Him and follow Him, i know we will find ourselves happy in any circumstances. the Lord is good and has provided the means for us to be joyous and strong in these very days. and it's all because He loves us. how sweet it is.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH. and pray for you. and grateful for a loving God who looks after you every day.
love,
sister hansen
p.s. you'll have to edit out names but here are some actual events that happened this week heh heh my emails are the worsssssst sozzz
We met with I this week! M was on the lesson with us and it was honestly so good. The Spirit was really strong and we were all open and sincere, including I, and because of all the love in that environment, we got to use some "sweet boldness". We talked about the role of the Spirit and times it's helped us or led us and described how we've felt it. She did the same...and then we asked her if she ever experienced that while she met with us. And she said yes. And we invited her with all our hearts to come back and to do it again because God loves her, wants to help her and has given her the means for that here in His church as well as confirmation of those truths through His spirit...and she said no. In a roundabout way (because she's really busy). And it actually broke my heart a little bit. There are so few people I've loved to that extent and knowing that she's felt it and and still chooses not to partake of it right now is very sad. But we know that the Lord is truly working with her and that she will be ready someday and in the meantime, we will continue reaching out with love and encouraging her member friends to do the same.
Yesterday we did some member splits with M and N, the two young women who are preparing for missions, and it was amazing!! M and Sister Symons were led to talk about the Restoration with a sister that used to be super active and now hasn't been to church in years...and she herself asked if she could be re-taught all the lessons! She really wants to come back and just needs some help. And with N, we visited G, a woman who's married to a member here but isn't a member herself. We got to share some experiences we've had with the Atonement in the church, and she told us that she's felt the spirit in church since day one. She said she walked in that first Sunday with her husband, K, and immediately felt something different and felt so strongly that God truly existed and that this is His church. She also explained that right now she's not interested in becoming a member, but she really listened, and it was amazing how she and N--who see each other almost every Sunday at church but rarely talk--connected. It was a testimony builder for me that members are the key and I think it built N's understanding of the power of reaching out and the beautiful things that can happen when the members are confident enough in Jesus Christ to share His gospel, even in little and simple ways.
Lastly, there was a little moment this week that was really instructive. We were coming home in a taxi from a meeting and the driver wasn't very talkative. He just seemed indifferent to our questions and to the fact that we were there. We asked about his family and he told us he was divorced. After some silence, we felt prompted to ask what he thought the meaning of life is, which led to silence on his part. He then said that he didn't know the answer to that right now. He explained that the divorce had been really hard and that he was having troubles with work and at this point, he was just living because he hadn't died yet. And we just bore really humble and sincere testimony about a loving God that is aware of His struggles and that wants us to have meaning in our lives, and about how that's available even in those dark valleys when it seems out of reach. He wasn't interested in hearing more, but he thanked us when we told him we would pray for him. Even though it was an "unsuccessful" interaction that didn't lead to anything I could mark up when counting statistics, we really felt the Lord's love for that man and a witness of the individual nature of the gospel. And I hope that man felt His love, too.
WAIT ALSO GOT TO SING A LOT THIS WEEK AND THAT WAS JOY. even the paul simon song from the wild thornberries.
people cried. the spirit was there. and it was joy. more details to come.
Other than that, Sister Symons is wonderful and teaches and pushes me every day. It's a privilege to serve together. We really see the vision of what might be here and are seeking with all our hearts to make it so. We've been working a lot on doing that through the members and finding people to teach while helping them be active and strong, but we're also getting to a point where we're having to improve our contacting approaches...and it's crazy how sometimes it's still hard to be brave. You would think that it would be easier by now, right? But I'm so grateful for a gospel of progression and how the Lord helps me learn every time I humble myself enough to be taught. Learning to continue to be myself and to be a real, sincere person, but also to put His will and His message above my own comfort zone in every situation. "He must increase, but I must decrease." And I'm deeply grateful for this time to rejoice in His strength and to be His servant. How great is our calling. happy monday :) love you love you love you!!!
first of all, families
are joy. thank you for our time yesterday. i'm sorry that i had
sooo many emotions...i just cried all night because i was worried that i wasted
our skype time by not being happy. it was kind of a weird day before that.
and i'm sorry for being a weenie. but i just hope you know how much
i sincerely love and appreciate you. being here has confirmed to me every
day that the Lord was so merciful in blessing me with such a good family.
you just love and serve others the way the Savior would. each of
you extends kindness and patience to others, including me, even when it's not
convenient or desirable for you, just because you love the Lord and want to be
like Him. you are truly my heroes, dad, mum, tay, mark and tia. i
love you SO MUCH. thank you for all you do. and even though leaving
kazakhstan and this mission will be the most bittersweet thing in the world, i
am so excited to see you and so grateful that i will get to be with you again.
i just love you a lot and hope you feel my love--and especially HIS
love--every day.
"look at our cute mission!!! ahhh!!!" (Mission Conference for Central Eurasian Mission, Istanbul, Turkey, 2015)
i just wanted to share
something i shared with President this week:
Lastly, this week
there's been a lot on my mind. On my mission, I have really been striving
to become obedient and strong and someone the Lord can count on to be going
about His work in any situation. With all my heart I want Him to catch me
doing something good for His children in those moments when you don't think
anyone is watching you. The problem is, though, in trying to make these
things my habits--in trying to always testify about the Restoration, in trying
to always talk about the Book of Mormon, in trying to have faith-filled
perspective, in trying to talk to everyone I see, in trying to make sure no one
is sitting alone at church or at English or in whatever situation--it's easy
for it to become a routine. Even though they're good things, and maybe
even the best things in life, they too can become things that we kind of
"take for granted" because it's just part of the schedule. I don't
feel as sincere and loving as I did at the beginning of my mission. And
it breaks my heart. It worries me that it takes so much effort right now
to not just talk to everyone and not just testify, but to do so with
conviction. Not just to have the actions of a shepherd, but the heart of
one, too. I think it's the same question Elder M. Clark asked at mission
conference with Elder Holland--how do we continually have conviction in this
glorious work even when we're doing the same thing over and over?. I
haven't completely figured it out yet, but in studies this week, something that
really struck me was the beginning of Mark 11 when Christ came into Jerusalem
with "hosannas" and praises to His name. He was the Son of
God. He could--and probably should--have had that kind of welcome and
respect every day of His life. He could have been like a celebrity and
riden around, showing off His powere and inherent goodness...but that wasn't
the way He chose to life. His was a humble and personal ministry. His
concern was for individuals, not crowds. His actions weren't to ensure
the praise of others, but to heal and save souls. And in thinking about
how I can demonstrate that kind of love and sincerity and faith and
individuality, I've come to realize that it can only happen one person at a
time. And even though we should be talking to as many people as we can
every day, each individual deserves to feel like, in that moment, we really
genuinely are doing this for THEM, with sincere willingness to share those
burdens that we all carry, because that's how the Savior would contact
them. The Lord is teaching me to cherish every chance I have to bear my
testimony to my brothers and sisters as a set apart representative of our
Savior, Jesus Christ. And even though sometimes I'm a hard-hearted
student, I'm so grateful for His patience with me and for the way His Son walks
with me every day, on the water and through fire, through hills and valleys
alike.
i was thinking about
this when i got this little gem from my girl alyssa:
Alyssa, one of Sis. Hansen's former volleyball teammates and good friends who recently returned from her mission to Germany. (Photo credit: Facebook. Used with permission)
I had an incredible
incredible experience while in the temple. I won’t go into tons of detail about
it, but pretty much, I have had a couple things really bothering me lately.
After praying and searching for an answer, God comforted me through other
people. Who so randomly told me exactly what I needed to hear. The thing I
really noticed though, was how natural both situations were. God didn’t have
the people jump through hoops to help me, they probably didn’t even realize
they had helped me so much. I thought about on a mission, how you are
constantly striving to help people and sometimes you get to a point where you
really don’t know what to do to help them, and I know I tended to really
overcomplicate things. But there are times you probably don’t realize the
effect your kind words have on others. So keep your mouth open. God seriously
works through us.
Here is my favorite
scripture that talks about this, I had it written above my desk on the mish:
"Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your
prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings. And behold, and lo,
I am with you to bless you and deliver you forever. Amen." D&C 108:7-8
and just remembered
again that the gospel is simple. and that the Lord doesn't ask us to save
His children. that's why He sent His Son, Jesus Christ. He just
asks us to love them. to serve them. to testify to them. to
strengthen them the way we can. and with Him, the little bit we can
give--be it 700000 loaves of bread or just a few crumbs--is enough to relieve
the suffering of others. and i am so grateful for that.
lastly, something i
loved from President Packer this week:
"I know what He
felt in Gethsemane
Is too much to
comprehend.
I know He did it all for
us;
We have no greater
Friend.
I know that He will come
anew
With power and in glory.
I know I will see Him
once again
At the end of my life's
story.
I'll kneel before His
wounded feet;
I'll feel His Spirit
glow.
My whispering, quivering
voice will say,
"My Lord, my God, I
know."
The church is true, my
loved ones. and what's more, it's Christ's. He lives, He loves us
and He directs His work today. may we all live to be closer to Him and to
help others do the same.
all all alllll the love,
loved ones. i keep you in my prayers and know you're in heaven's
hands. happy monday, lovers. talk soon :)
What a week. Things were
a little crazy up until at least Friday...as far as figuring things out
logistic things and learning how to get around the area and all those fun
details. But even though understanding how to be a good team together and how
exactly to accomplish what the Lord would like us to here is a process, things
are much better and we feel much more settled. At the beginning, while things
around us were hectic, I wasn't sure how we would learn to work together or be
effective here. But this week we have seen a lot of miraculous things happen,
both in missionary work and in our relationship as a companionship! First of
all, Sister Symons is dynamite.
I can tell she's the kind of person that has
been a missionary for a long time. She has a really strong foundation of the
gospel, both in understanding and in her personal testimony. She knows that
members are the key and wants to testify to everyone about Jesus Christ! She's
constantly opening the mouth and not allowing the language to be a barrier for
her. Sometimes I feel like she's teaching me more than I'm teaching her. But
I'm really grateful for this humbling time to get to serve together. I feel
that the Lord is supporting and guiding us as we have righteous desires and
seek to make righteous, faith-filled choices and it's a real blessing to get to
serve here with her.
and some of the blessings of contacting, both
here and in Astana. In Astana, the sisters told us about some people Sister
Slight and I had contacted that they are now meeting with and that are reading
the Book of Mormon!! That was amazing, especially because one of the people
that wants to meet with them is a girl I contacted on the bus a few months ago
that Sister Slight and I BOTH knew we had to talk to...and pretty much shut me
down after hearing that we were from church. We saw some of their influence
here this week when we got a call from a random number and a man said,
"excuse me sisters, but you promised me a Book of Mormon and I would
really like that please." Miracle! We weren't sure who he was until we met
with him and realized it was a man Sister Slight and Sister Peterson had
contacted while they were down here in Almaty! He identifies more with Atheism
because he's a scientist, but he really wanted a Book of Mormon and listened as
we testified about it when we gave it to him.
We really felt the spirit guiding
us as he was with us, even though our interaction with him was short. On top of
that, he asked about church and wants to come next week! And what makes allll
of this EVEN BETTER is that that morning during church, we'd felt prompted to
ask A--the girl that the sisters and I taught in November--to write her
testimony in a Book of Mormon. We weren't sure who to give it to because there
were a few people we were supposed to be giving BoMs to that day but once we met
with Ab--that man--we knew that he was the reason. The Lord really guides the
work, and I truly see that getting to share the message of the Restoration
through the power of the Book of Mormon is strengthening both my faith and the
faith of the people here.
Along with that, this
week we met with a man that we contacted earlier in the week and it was a
really good learning experience. While we planned the lesson, we figured it
would be best to talk about the Book of Mormon--sharing a simple background and
then some answers to questions of the soul we have found. It ended up being a
lot about Jesus Christ, and the lesson itself was really good, but he didn't
really listen to us. He kind of heard our ideas and the things we shared from
the Book of Mormon but then tried to teach us what he felt was true. It was
like he always knew better than we did. We handled it the best we could and it
turned out okay but was awkward and a bit frustrating, and in the end he said,
"well, it doesn't matter that much anyway because there's basically no
difference between religions anyway." He still took a Book of Mormon and
we ended on fine terms but it taught us a huge lesson--that we need to testify
of Christ and meet people where they are, but we always always need to do what
it says multiple times in Preach My Gospel and share our unique message of the
Restoration!! We had talked a bit about Joseph Smith with him and he didn't
really listen to that, but we realized that when there ARE people that are
listening, we need to share the message of the Restoration of the Gospel of
Jesus Christ with them in a clear, compassionate and astonishing way.
We realized today that
members and their families are pretty much the key to missionary work here and
anywhere in the world and are going to try really hard this next little bit to
figure out how to work with them more effectively, especially to gain their
trust and to help them share the gospel with their loved ones. We're really
excited for the next few weeks and are going to work hard and do our part so
the Lord can do His, and we feel that lots of good things are going to happen!
One thing that gave me some hope this week, though, was meeting with Sister F.
She told us her conversion story--which I'd heard before--but for the first
time, I heard her say that she came to church two years after her initial
invitation from the missionaries (good to know that I know Russian a little better
now...growth! haha). TWO YEARS!! The missionaries that she loves and calls her
own and that she thanks and praises and tells literally EVERYONE about have NO
IDEA that they even helped her--and through her, her daughter and her
friends--come unto Christ. As we're trying to work with members, non-members
and contact to share the message of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, truly
no effort is wasted. Not one!! We just have to do our part and trust the Lord.
And it's such a joyous work to be a part of.
Last thing is just a
thought about being made whole. I thought about that a lot this week,
especially because with the end looming ever nearer, sometimes I have a really
hard time feeling like I've becoming or am becoming all that I could or should.
Which is a poisonous thing to do, I know, but it happens sometimes.
However, as I prayerfully studied this week, I found a lot of gems, including
this one:
"Daughter, thy
faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague."
(Mark 5:34)
In the end, all of us
are flawed and come up short in one way or another. And realizing the
disparity between who we are and who we want to be is sometimes painful.
But I know with all my heart that what makes us whole isn't our cool abilities
or talents or characteristics or even best efforts. Our faith in
Christ--the only one who IS whole--is what heals our hearts and changes our
lives and characters. It's what enables us to have "no regrets" when
we ourselves just aren't enough. And I am so grateful for Him. For
His mercy, for His Atonement, for the times He has lifted me up and for His
reality. He really loves these people and He really loves us, and I pray
and hope that you feel that as you walk on YOUR waters and battle through YOUR
storms.
Love and pray for you
always, my dear ones. See you next week on skype :)
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